Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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