I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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