ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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