Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
