I think i sorta joined a cult last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
