This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
