Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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