The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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