On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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