Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
