bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
