I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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