Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
