here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
