New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
