Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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