Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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