He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
