I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
