weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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