Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
