Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
