Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
