I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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