I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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