She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You smell like stripper and shame
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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