i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
