your parents love me but you hate me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize