if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
