singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
