omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I enjoy the company of your penis
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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