I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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