Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize