Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
