I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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