I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
