He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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