I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
