I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
