this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
