I puked a lego.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
