next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just had sex on a roof
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize