Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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