So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
