i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
