Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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