good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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