I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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