i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
