Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
