i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
