Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
