Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
