Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize