i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
