I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
