I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
MIDGETS
????
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
