guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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