We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
