I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
