If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
