I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
