I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
