3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
