anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
