I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
