Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
