So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
