I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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