Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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