alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
