We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
