I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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