He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
