And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
