omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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