In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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