you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
