just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
