i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
