As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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