Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
