I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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