i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
