I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
