you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize