His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
