i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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