dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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