she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize