After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
