i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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