I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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