i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
