May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
