Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
