i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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