my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
