just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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