yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize